Tuesday, January 9, 2024
After some time to reflect and calm down, I wanted to add that you taught me to drive, Gifted me my first car, made sure I went to school and gave me the tools to graduate and when I made decisions that you told me or explained to me were not always the best of decisions, you allowed me to make mistakes and were there to help me fix my mistakes. You both raised me into adulthood and did your best to prepare me for what was ahead. I'm so sorry life got so complicated that I was unable to be next to you sir, Lets face it Val was a grumpy man, he abused you and I resented him for it, and after his big blowout XMAS 2018 I know we were strained, It seemed better for you if I stayed away but I never stopped loving and respecting you sir, Val tried to dramatize everything, damned if you do and damned if you don't situation, as always. I'll admit though, he never disciplined me out of anger or more than my actions called for. My first and only DUI when I came home for the holidays back in 1996, OH man i thought I was dead for sure, he spanked me like a red-headed stepchild, took my keys, and sold my car you both purchased for me from me and you scolded him for it being so strict, I felt it was all my fault when you two had the falling out for that year, But I have never done it again, It's what was needed now that I look back. I wish I had told you this, instead of allowing you to believe he overreacted all these years, I think it was my way of getting back at him for abusing you at times and you being cross with him regarding me was somehow an extension of me, and it was wrong and i wish he were alive to help me clear the slate of guilt I hold now. but he was trying to keep me alive and from doing it again, And it worked. As you would say, "You can't argue with that" ...
You both were a balanced influence on me, and I would not change a thing if I could, well except for some of his abusive words and angry moments he displayed at you. I think I would change those and point them at me, somehow I have always blamed myself for those moments. I was essentially your son and you both had a different influence on me. You both disciplined me, you both loved me and you both provided for me emotionally and otherwise. I am a better man for it and certainly would be dead or in prison were it not for you finding me at 17 years of age, a foul-mouthed long-haired pot-smoking dropout, rebellious, argumentative, know-it-all brat. and yet you took me in, you provided stability, rules, love, and consequences for my actions, oh how I hated the consequences at first.
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