Obituary of Thomas Neal Tugan

Good friend. Kind father. Loving Husband. Not easy things to say about the man I once knew as Dad. Anyone on the receiving end of his wrath or rancor would be inclined to disagree those appellations apply to him, and many of his loved ones would at times also think twice about such titles. He was crass, blunt, needy, and selfish. On the surface.Thomas, as the rest of the world knew him, could shove off. He would feign deafness to avoid dealing with greeters and store clerks when he wasn't questioning their worth as human beings. He would rather cut people off in traffic than slow down a little bit to let them pass before changing lanes. He would answer "honey" and "sweetheart" with nicknames unsuited for polite conversation, but if it assists the imagination know that he didn't hold back.He designed, programmed, and for over a decade maintained at his own expense a website, a mailing list for a community of airplane enthusiasts. He took care to fight for and support those in the right for any scenario or debate, regardless of their low standing on the social ladder or how he felt about them personally. It was easy to believe any compliment he gave because of the conviction and frankness with which he said it. He was a good friend.Dad, as his sons knew him, was a workaholic. The less time he spent at home the better, as it seemed to us. He inspired in me such fear that no matter what I was doing, school work or not, I always heard the jangle of his keys with dread and immediately stopped everything I was doing before he could open the door and judge what he saw. Even near the end I was selective in my sharing.He took time off of work to teach my brother and I how to ride bikes in secret, so that we could surprise our Mom with a show of our new skill. He saw how her death later on inflicted a deep, ongoing melancholy, so he took me on a trip to Florida and we toured some southern states in the middle of the school year. Even near the end if his sons had a problem, he would drop everything and work to fix it as though we were doing him a favor. He was a kind father.Tom, as his wife knew him, wasn't always easy to get along with. He would find something to argue about for the sake of arguing. He never struck a blow, but his words often found their mark. He used her cancer against her during the custody battle, and exploited that to gain primary care of her boys whom she loved more than anyone else.He would try new things at her suggestion, and always came to enjoy whatever she offered or presented. In her grief he was there for her with open ear, open heart. After child support and alimony were no longer legally required he still did his best to carry her finances, so she never wanted for anything. He never grudged her a visit from her sons, and would let us stay with her whenever we wanted. Near the end, when confined to a nursing home, he was there for her when she needed him most. He was a loving husband.Good friend. Kind father. Loving Husband. Not easy things to say about Tom at first glance, but dig a little deeper and they become evident truths. He could be counted on to share his truth whether or not it was comfortable or socially acceptable. He could be counted on to do right by his sons even if we didn't see it that way. He could be counted on to be there for the woman he loved even after their divorce.